good mom

Today was a hard day.

Mayson Pearl was up last night @ 1, 4, 6, and then 8am.

And this was following a day of cat naps and wanting to eat only an ounce or so every hour and a half.

Poor thing was gassy and fussy.

Which made this poor mommy sleepy and grouchy.

Top that off with missing Greg.

And hating the thirty plus extra pounds I see every time I look in the mirror...

It was all creating a recipe for disaster.

 

I moved up here to North Carolina so that I would have help with Mayson while Greg was away...

so why do I feel like a failure for letting my mom watch her half the day so I could catch up on some sleep?

 

Being pregnant I quickly realized that women never really talk about how hard pregnancy can be. It's like some unspoken code that everyone follows. Maybe it's because no one wants to seem like they are weaker than everyone else - or be thought of as being unappreciative of the wonderful gift they are carrying. I usually only heard people's real pregnancy stories when I opened the door and admitted how I was struggling with mine.

 

I think the same thing can be said of motherhood. We are so afraid of others judging us or finding us lacking that we tend to only share the wonderful moments. We pretend that days like today don't exist.

We want to be seen as always happy.

Always in control.

Always fulfilled by our children.

We want to be supermom.

 

What's funny is that, quite frankly, the most critical judge of our mothering skills is usually ourselves. 

 

At the end of the day I have to remind myself that I don't have to be a perfect mom, only a good one.

There are going to be days where I simply can not wait until she takes her first nap.

Days where I accidently scratch her with my wedding rings.

Realize halfway on the drive home that I forgot to relatch her into the carseat.

Or accidently feed her a booger trying to clean out her nose! 

Days when having someone watch her for a few hours is really a blessing and not a failure.

I'm a good mom... not a perfect one.

(And I've gotta learn to let myself off of the hook about that.)