90% of the time I'm good.
I'm in awe at how amazingly blessed I have become in this life.
I have a wonderful husband,
a beautiful daughter,
loving family,
and great friends.
This Christmas season means so much more to me than usual.
The lights are brighter,
the trees fuller,
treats tastier,
presents bigger.
Being a parent at Christmas is almost as magical as being a child.
It's not even that Mayson knows much of what Christmas is this year,
(she'll only be three months on Christmas Eve);
but it's completly fulfilling all on it's own, knowing that I get to create new memories with her.
Start traditions that she'll take with her and hopefully remember when she's a mom herself.
Yet even with all of that Christmas joy going around there's still a good 10% of the time when I wish this holiday season was playing out differently.
Times when I can't help but feel sorry for myself
and especially for Mayson.
Times when I hate that her daddy is missing her first ever Christmas!
I honestly feel guilty for even feeling this way.
Many military families have walked in my footsteps before and many more will in the years to come.
But in that moment,
when a certain Christmas movie,
a young family you see out,
a random facebook photo of your friend's family together for the holidays tugs at your heart -
it can seriously hurt.
I married Gregory knowing his job would take him away from me.
But Mayson never asked to have a daddy who has to leave :(
I'm doing my best not to dwell on that 10%.
And the majority of the time I succeed.
I'm proud of what my husband does for a living and for the sacrifice that he makes.
I hope Mayson will be too.
And as special as this Christmas will be for me, I'm already looking forward to next year when, god willing, we will be able to spend it 100% together as a family.
Oh Eabitz:( You are an awesome mama! My dad was in the merchant marines from the time I was born until I was 20. He was gone 6 months of EVERY year. I remember missing him yes, but that was not the culture of our home. My mom created traditions that were happy and joyful with or without him. I know you will do the same for Mayson so that she will always feel secure and happy. It makes those letters, calls, and packages from Daddy even more special when she has you to share them with. This Christmas is probably the hardest because you aren't in your own place but know all of us "Mayson" fans are praying for you both :) Love and Lukie kisses.
ReplyDeleteWish you guys were together this year but you have something to look forward to that is for sure! In the coming years she'll be such a blast on Christmas morning! Start those traditions and they'll always be something special between you and her...something I do every year for Kenzie is to get her a special ornament and so in several years when the girls are old enough they'll have a set of their own ornaments they always hang up on the tree and when they move out they'll be their starter ones for their own tree...hope you find some sweet traditions to start..that one is a particular favorite because it builds over years and we have keepsakes :) now I let her pick her ornament too! :) Thinking of you and sweet Mayson!
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