for Gregory- it's all the little things :)

 

dimples on your cheeks

everlasting eyelashes

bad jokes

random little list of things

machete scar on your knee

your color coordinated side of the closet

navigating the unknown with only google maps on your phone...

 that's just a short list of all the little things I love about you!!

 

But wanna know what I love most?

 

I never have to guess how you feel about me.

There's no room for paranoia

questions

or doubt.

Even when you're over 7,000 miles away -

 you make sure that every day I know how much you love me!

 

Thanks for always saying, with actions, as well as words...

"I'm in love with you and all your little things."

Asian Santa

He does exist!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

1/4 of a year old!

My adorable little Santa baby,

On Christmas Eve you were officially 3 months old.

At your last doctor's appointment you weighed 9 and 1/2 pounds so I'm guessing by now you are at least ten!

And I know you've gotten even longer than 21 inches because your clothes were getting snug!

You wear a combo of newborn sizes and 0-3 months;

but officially moved up to a size one diaper.

You still aren't even close to sleeping through the night :(

And usually eat 3-4 ounces every three hours or so.

 

I can't believe how big you've gotten and

you are learning so many new things...

You love smiling and "talking" to us. We've even got a few giggles out of you!

 

The sounds you make are so cute.

Along with the regular gaa's and coo's you make lots of animal sounds, lol.

Sometimes you sound like a horse,

a chicken,

a little piggy,

or my favorite- an owl.

And forget the baby sling, you like your baths now that you take them big girl style -

with a window view!

You recently discovered your hands.

You like to move them in front of your face and look at them,

or chew on them.

Besides your hands your favorite toy at the moment is your crinkly sounding elephant!

The day before your three month birthday you officially rolled over -

and then promptly went to sleep!

You are quite the wiggle worm.

 You love to lay on your back, bend you legs, and push off with your feet so you go scooting backwards.

So I guess my days of being able to lay you down on the couch or bed and walk away are through.

You hold your head up pretty well but when you get tired you still need some support.

You like to try and "stand" in our laps when we are holding you.

And when you are sitting, propped against something and start to lean over, you'll brace yourself with your arm so you don't fall over!

I still can't believe how big you are getting!

And quite honestly I'm tired of every time we go out people remarking on how small, little, or tiny you are... to me you're a big girl, lol!

 

But of course they don't know how far you've come -

from our little five pound peanut to my chubby cheeked ten pound bundle of joy!!

 

 

 

 

 

Cards are cuter with babies!!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from our family to yours.

 

The first ever Stewart Family Christmas card!!!

(The scanned version doesn't do the original card justice.)

Since I had so much fun making our card and the adorable Christmas model was still willing - I even made custom labels for every one's presents!

(yet again, the scanner made them blurry; but they were pretty gosh darn cute in person!)

 

white powder?

One of the unspoken joys of motherhood...

 stumbling into the kitchen

with blood shot eyes

at odd hours of the night

completely disoriented

taking all the brain power I can muster to complete a task as simple as mixing a bottle!

Heck, this morning I even woke up to find lines of a mysterious white powder substance still on the countertop!

 

Who knew becoming a mom meant I would frequently spend most nights feeling like a crack addict on a major drug binge!

And...

 who knew that just waking up to morning cuddle time would make all those nights worthwhile!!! 

 

 

 

90 percent

90% of the time I'm good.

I'm in awe at how amazingly blessed I have become in this life.

I have a wonderful husband,

a beautiful daughter,

loving family,

and great friends.

This Christmas season means so much more to me than usual.

The lights are brighter,

the trees fuller,

treats tastier,

presents bigger.

Being a parent at Christmas is almost as magical as being a child.

It's not even that Mayson knows much of what Christmas is this year,

(she'll only be three months on Christmas Eve);

 but it's completly fulfilling all on it's own, knowing that I get to create new memories with her.

Start traditions that she'll take with her and hopefully remember when she's a mom herself.

 

Yet even with all of that Christmas joy going around there's still a good 10% of the time when I wish this holiday season was playing out differently.

Times when I can't help but feel sorry for myself

and especially for Mayson.

Times when I hate that her daddy is missing her first ever Christmas!

 

I honestly feel guilty for even feeling this way.

Many military families have walked in my footsteps before and many more will in the years to come. 

 But in that moment,

when a certain Christmas movie,

a young family you see out,

a random facebook photo of your friend's family together for the holidays tugs at your heart -

 it can seriously hurt.

I married Gregory knowing his job would take him away from me.

But Mayson never asked to have a daddy who has to leave :(

 

 I'm doing my best not to dwell on that 10%.

And the majority of the time I succeed.

I'm proud of what my husband does for a living and for the sacrifice that he makes.

I hope Mayson will be too.

 And as special as this Christmas will be for me, I'm already looking forward to next year when, god willing, we will be able to spend it 100% together as a family.

 

 

 

Your a Mean One Mr. Grinch!!

Oh Christmas Tree

We might not have our own family Christmas tree this year but at the very least I had to hang some of our ornaments on my parents tree. Greg and I painted these just last year...

And just because - 

a few pics of Greg and I this time last year. My how things have changed!!!

Mayson's world

Today's school shooting is a tragedy.

How anyone could murder 20 innocent children and 6 adults, along with their own mother, is incomprehensible.

It's nothing short of evil.

As a mother myself I can only imagine how horrifying this situation is to the parents directly involved. My heart goes out to those whose children were killed and those whose children will forever be haunted with the memory of this day- the day that their innocence died.

And perhaps selfishly, I can't help but immediately think of my own daughter.

For now she's an infant, which is a convenient excuse, for me to not ever let her leave my side. But whether I like it or not she will grow and I'll slowly have to let her go out in to the world.

A world that is unsafe.

A world that is evil.

And days like today remind us parents of that.

It's unbelievable to think that just sending your child off to school is dangerous. Or that something as simple as taking them with you to the mall or to the movie theater could endanger their lives.

It would be so easy to shut down, over protect and try to shield Mayson from every dangerous situation... but the reality is that in today's world almost every situation could be dangerous.

First and foremost it is my job as her mother to keep her safe.

But at the same time I can't smother her. I can't keep her at home, only ten feet from my side forever. I have to let her experience things... I slowly have to let her go.

It's bound to be a delicate balancing act. One that Greg and I will have to fill out as we go.

Hopefully we will make the right decisions for her. Help her maintain that childish innocence, as well as prepare her for the world that she will be living in. And like it or not we are going to have to let her live in that world... not just in the four walls of our home.

 

All in all, I'm left knowing these simple facts... 

 

 

Mayson's world is unsafe.

The world she lives in is filled with evil.

And perhaps one of the biggest challenges I'll ever face as her mom will be allowing her to leave the safety of my arms and watch her walk out to conquer it alone.

Mommy and me!!

we're growing and changing everyday

While we're in North Carolina I'm taking Mayson to the same Family Practice that I went to when I was growing up and while the doctor that I used to see is gone, the nurse we had today was one I remembered from when I was younger. She knew who I was and even remembered when I was born... totally crazy!

And while the actually appointment was a bust; (we went to get Mayson's synagis shot but of course I had forgotten to have NAS send over her shot record) they did put 'lil Miss Maysie on the scale for me and she's officially (finally!) heavier than my birth weight. We weighed her with clothes on so it's not wholly accurate but subtracting a few ounces for the added weight she's roughly 9 1/2 pounds!!

 

My little baby is growing!! 

The heavier she gets the closer she is to possibly sleeping through the night so that makes me one happy momma. Of course that's not the only reason I'm happy, lol! I'm just glad that my little baby who struggled to eat at first is gaining weight and is slowly (very slowly) catching up to other babies her age.

And in other exciting Mayson news- her eyes are finally starting to change. They were dark blue when she was born and seeing as how neither Greg, nor I, have blue eyes I figured they wouldn't stay blue... or if they did perhaps Greg would be questioning paternity!!

(Bad joke, lol! With that head there's no questioning who her father is!!)

 

Anyway. They've slowly been getting gold in them and now in the light they look much more green than blue. Now to see if they stay green or hazel like both grandmas, turn light brown like Greg's, or dark brown like mine.

By the way- I'm fully aware that I am quite likely the only one THIS excited about her eye color change- but us new mommas can't help but be a little obsessed with our babies like that!

it's your BIRTHday!

Presenting....
only a couple months late
Mayson's birth story!!

In typical Mayson fashion her birthday was a bit of a suprise! I had been on bedrest for exactly two weeks when I finally broke down the morning of september 24th  and decided to go back to the hospital. My vision had been spotty for days and for the second day in a row I had a headache that just wouldn't go away.

 

(exactly 34 weeks and as it would turn out taken the night before Mayson was born)

 

Six o'clock in the morning Greg and I headed to labor and delivery. I didn't want to go. In the back of my head I knew that this trip was only going to result in one of two outcomes- either hospital bedrest until 37 weeks or they would want to deliver Mayson now. And I personally wasn't thrilled about either of those two scenerios playing out. Luckily Greg talked me in to going and even talked me in to bringing our bags which I foolishly wanted to leave behind.

We arrived at Beaches Baptist around 6:30 in the morning and I was immediatly hooked up to fetal moniters and as always Mayson looked great. It was that dang blood pressure cuff that got me!! Every ten minutes it would tighten and then flash my pressures on screen. For the first hour my pressure looked good, so good in fact that I felt silly for even coming in to Labor and Delivery in the first place... but of course those good readings were short lived. Pretty soon we were marking the passing of another ten minutes with the sounding of an alarm. As my blood pressure readings grew higher and higher, my dread of the impending outcome grew higher and higher as well. Pretty soon my OB was visiting yet again and worriedly checking me over. My reflexes were all over the place, my bp high, my head hurting and my vision blurry... all of this equaled up to only one possible outcome... due to my worsening pre-eclampsia we needed to deliver the baby. 

No one wants to hear that at only 34 weeks and 1 day your baby needs to be born. Especially when your baby is happy and healthy swimming around in there and you are the one who is sick.

I felt guilty.

 I felt anxious.

 I felt terrified.

 I suddenly felt like everything was out of my control. 

All my feelings aside a decision had to be made and after that things moved quickly. Beaches Baptist doesn't have a NICU so I would have to be transfered to Baptist Downtown. I was hooked up to magnesium (the devil drug, lol) to bring down my blood pressure and to prevent seizures, given a catheter (ouch!!) and shortly thereafter loaded into an ambulance for the very bumpy and nauseating ride downtown. 

Once there I was immediately checked in and hooked up yet again to more moniters. A new OB came in and preformed another ultrasound. Of course little miss looked amazing and suprising enough to me the moniters showed that I was having contractions even though I didn't feel them. However I wasn't dialated, nor was Mayson's head engaged so the option of inducing me was out. Once it was decided I was going to need a c-section things moved quickly. My mom arrived looking like a hot nervous mess, we met with the OB who would deliver me, the anethesiologist, and one of the NICU doctors. At this point everything was a blur. Gregory was given a pair of scrubs, my wonderfully sweet nurse prepped me for surgery, I tried to reasurre my mom that everything would be fine and I was on my way.

Just 12 hours after walking out of our apartment that morning- at 6:03 pm to be exact- Mayson Pearl came into the world, fist first and eyes wide open! 

 

 

 

 

 

we've got mail!!!

Yesterday we recieved our first packages from Greg!! I was very suprised that they only took a week to get here from Japan.

 

We both got a kimono - Mayson still has a little bit of growing to do if she wants to wear hers!!

But as a mom, my favorite thing was the postcard Greg got Mayson from Alaska. I was bawling by the time I finished reading it to her. I won't share it here because those were his words to her, not mine, but it was just further proof of the beyond amazing father that Gregory is. Mayson Pearl is sure one lucky little girl!

 

 

 

a little jean skirt cuteness

 

OhhhhhPossum

After finally hooking up Mayson's baby moniter today I made a startling discover.

In the dark,

on the gritty little screen,

Mayson's stuffed 'possum looks frightingly real!!

(Oh and fyi- no comments from the peanut gallery please- I realize that I am breaking the sacred baby rule of "No stuffed animals in the crib." But in my defense, Mayson is barely a nine pound baby in a big crib; not to mention the 'possum is all the way in the other corner from where she sleeps. And besides, a stuffed 'possum is better than a real 'possum in her crib anyday!)

I feel mislead

When one gains close to fifty pounds while pregnant, simply having the baby is little, to no help, at helping fit ones' now gigantic butt into her old size three jeans!

It's not that I even want to be a size three again... I'm okay with bigger... but I'm not okay with where I'm at now.

And being a girl who has never had to diet or exercise before in her life to wear those size threes, I'm at a bit of a loss.

But what I do know is this...

No one ever microwaved themselves to being skinny!!

Never trust the picture on the box!

 

now that's "tutu" cute

What I discovered/tools for success:

Step 1- Have props set up beforehand.
Step 2- Get adorable baby picture ready. (i.e. - stripped down to a diaper and wrapped in a blanket; undressing usually equals tears)
Step 3- Feed baby right before hand - babies are much happier with a full belly.
Step 4- Ditch the basket idea. (she hated it!)
Step 5- What ever you do DON'T TRY TO MAKE HER ACTUALLY WEAR THE TUTU! It goes much better if you just lay it over her and pretend that she's actually wearing it.
Step 6- Take lots and lots of shots because each one is unique and adorable in its on way.

 

and last but not least

 

Step 7- Admit that even though you'd never be able to explain using them for the Christmas card, the previously taken "angry tutu baby" photos are in some horribly sick way still your favorite!!

sleepy baby

Do mommies ever stop staring at their sleeping babies in sheer amazement and wonder?

I certainly hope not :)

 

 

This and That

This:

Mayson and I finally got Greg's first package together. It cost $38 to ship the darn thing!! I made Greg a Christmas tree using felt cutouts of Mayson's little hands and that was the smallest box I could fit it in.

And that:

 Maybe it's just me but once I really got to looking at Mayson's footsie pajamas I noticed that Santa Clause appears to have quite the tan!

 It's politically correct Santa I guess. And seeing as Greg finally gets to venture off base in a few days and I told him to be on the look out for an Asian Santa. I'm pretty sure Santa isn't very prevalant in Asian cultures but if he is I wonder if their Santa is a big, jolly, fat, white guy or Mr. Miyagi's twin only in a red suit and beard?!?

 

Plus a little extra:

 

I took these of Mayson yesterday and they almost make me sad because she's starting to look like a baby and not a newborn.

But you wanna know what's really mind blowing... Mayson is now the size I was when I was born. 9lbs of baby seems like a whole lot to be coming out of your... well... you know, lol!

 Bless you momma!

 I'm forever grateful for the sacrifice that you and your lady bits made for me. And for all the other momma's out there with similar size bundles of joy- God bless you all! Me, Mr. Miyagi, and black Santa all agree that ya'll definitely deserve an extra present under the tree!

Christmas Card Fail

Dare I even try this again?!? I'm guessing poor Mayson's vote is a resounding "NOOOOOOO!"

 

"Tutu" cute for Christmas?!

Looks more like "tutu" pissed off, if you ask me!

 

 

good mom

Today was a hard day.

Mayson Pearl was up last night @ 1, 4, 6, and then 8am.

And this was following a day of cat naps and wanting to eat only an ounce or so every hour and a half.

Poor thing was gassy and fussy.

Which made this poor mommy sleepy and grouchy.

Top that off with missing Greg.

And hating the thirty plus extra pounds I see every time I look in the mirror...

It was all creating a recipe for disaster.

 

I moved up here to North Carolina so that I would have help with Mayson while Greg was away...

so why do I feel like a failure for letting my mom watch her half the day so I could catch up on some sleep?

 

Being pregnant I quickly realized that women never really talk about how hard pregnancy can be. It's like some unspoken code that everyone follows. Maybe it's because no one wants to seem like they are weaker than everyone else - or be thought of as being unappreciative of the wonderful gift they are carrying. I usually only heard people's real pregnancy stories when I opened the door and admitted how I was struggling with mine.

 

I think the same thing can be said of motherhood. We are so afraid of others judging us or finding us lacking that we tend to only share the wonderful moments. We pretend that days like today don't exist.

We want to be seen as always happy.

Always in control.

Always fulfilled by our children.

We want to be supermom.

 

What's funny is that, quite frankly, the most critical judge of our mothering skills is usually ourselves. 

 

At the end of the day I have to remind myself that I don't have to be a perfect mom, only a good one.

There are going to be days where I simply can not wait until she takes her first nap.

Days where I accidently scratch her with my wedding rings.

Realize halfway on the drive home that I forgot to relatch her into the carseat.

Or accidently feed her a booger trying to clean out her nose! 

Days when having someone watch her for a few hours is really a blessing and not a failure.

I'm a good mom... not a perfect one.

(And I've gotta learn to let myself off of the hook about that.)

 

our Saturday according to Mayson

Today we woke up super early- at my insistance of course.

After Uncle Joshua came home from his 5K,

we went with him and grandma to eat at Johnson's Restraunt.

I then created a giant poop explosion for mommy,

followed promptly by projectile vomit.

After grossing mommy out I felt much better,

so I spent some time on my play mat having a conversation with Captain Calamari.

Afterwards I slept through the festival of trees.

And a trip out to eat at Tokyo Express.

When we finally got home I helped make treats to send daddy.

(Of course my silly mom burned herself!)

I ended the day by being forced to watch cheesy Christmas movies,

but don't worry because I paid mom back for this injustice by keeping her up half the night!!!

 

Oh and ps- mom says you better enjoy these pictures taken with her brand new camera that daddy gave her for her birthday. She's never had a good track record with camaras but she managed to destroy this one faster than most. She blames it on "baby brain" but she somehow managed to drop the camera out of the stroller in the parking lot. By the time she realized it was missing and went back for it the camera had already been ran over by another car :(

 

At least the memory card survived so you can see these pics of my oh-so-adorable face!

2 Months!

My Dearest Mayson Pearl-

On November 24th you officially turned two months old!!

You are now 8lbs 7 oz,

21 inches long,

and I think your head was 14 inches around or so.

You still wear newborn sized clothes and diapers,

eat every 2-3 hrs during the day,

and every 3-4 hrs at night.

(Mommy can't wait until you sleep longer at night but luckily you're pretty adorable and quite the snuggler so I can't get to grouchy with you during those middle of the night feedings!)

You still aren't a fan of tummy time.

 You can lift your head and shoulders up for a few seconds

but you mainly like pulling your knees up

and somehow managing to wiggle yourself across the floor!

You' ve got pretty good head control now,

but still turn into a little bobble head baby whenever when you are tired.

You turn your head towards sounds now

and are starting to really notice things around you.

Plus you are finally starting to smile;

the best little dimpled smile ever- just like your daddy's!

We celebrated Merry November 24th;

aka our first family Christmas just a little bit early.

You had your first sleepover this month at Mrs. Brittany's

and your first long car ride.

A six hour journey,

which you had to do three times in one week!

The first two times you were an angel;

the last time you were understandably over it.

Your daddy left for deployment this month which was horribly sad

but you've already had lot's of skype dates where you got to "talk" to him.

You are growing and changing so much already.

As your mommy, I think that I'm still a little bit in denial that you are 2 months already!!!

 

And just because you are so cute and because it was officially your 2 month birthday- pics from our Merry November 24th celebration.