missing out

It's funny how the littlest things can make you sad.

I was going through the basket of cat toys the other day and came across one of Mayson's pacifiers. At first I laughed because I'm pretty sure that Greg's crazy cat probably knocked the paci down from somewhere and was playing with it and then dropped it into the basket when she was done. (seriously his cat is weird... I've found pens in the litter box, my underwear in the water bowl, Mayson's toys in the food bowl... she's crazy!)

Instead of washing her pacifier off I just threw it away. Its been over a month since Mayson has even taken a pacifier so I didn't see any reason to keep it, but for some reason as soon as that pacifier hit the trash can I suddenly felt like I was going to cry.

Gregory wouldn't know that he could simply throw it away.

I hadn't told him that she had abandoned her pacifiers months ago.

And suddenly I couldn't help but think of all of the little things about Mayson that he doesn't know...

like how she growls at you when she isn't getting her way.

or forgets she has teeth now and occasionally bites her fingers so hard she makes herself cry.

that she loves hanging upside down or being held way up high.

that she almost always "talks" with her mouth full,

and makes the most disgusted little face with her first bite of food, no matter what it is, but then goes on to eat the entire bowl!

he hasn't seen her bob her head to music.

or hear her laugh hysterically anytime her mommy tries to dance.

he hasn't got the chance to let her walk up and down the hallway by holding onto his hands

or blow raspberries on her belly to hear her giggle...

there's just so much that he doesn't know

part of me feels like I've failed him by not remembering to tell him every little thing

and part of me is angry because I know relaying ever little detail is an impossible task.

he'll never get to experience her when she was learning to sit, 

or eat,

or roll over.

He never got to be with her when she was three months,

or four,

or five,

or six,

or even seven. 

Why in the world a silly pacifier found with the cat toys brought all of this to the forefront of my mind is beyond me.

I'm trying not to let these thoughts get me down because soon (oh so very soon!) Mayson's daddy will be home and I won't have to fill him in on all of the little things about his baby girl because he'll be able to experience them for himself. 

And for a little shameless shout out to the guy that we love.

(because I know you read this!)

 Gregory- there will never be enough words to thank you for the sacrifices you make to take care of your little family and to serve your country. We can't wait until you are back home where you belong!